So Complicated
by TowMondler
Summary: Set in season 4, a storm makes Chandler confront his feelings for Monica


I heard this song on the radio the other night and it was storming out and I just decided that it would make an excellent Mon/Chan story. It just seemed to fit them. The song is by Carolyn Dawn Johnson. It takes place before they were together. And oh! I'm so excited I got my homecoming dress and it's so pretty and fluffy! Yay! Okay, I'm done, please review.

Disclaimer: I own neither the characters or the song. 

Thunder clapped outside of the apartment and Monica jumped in the air at the sound. 

"You okay Monica?" She heard her friend Joey call.

"Fine," she said as she pulled out the stash of candles she had found in the cupboard. She straightened herself and took the handful of candles over to the coffee table and set them down. She took the match and lit them filling the middle of the room with light as her friends lit the rest of the candles over various parts of the room so that a soft light shone. She settled herself on the couch and curled her legs underneath her and waited for the rest of her friends to sit down. The storm had knocked out all power, so they had decided to all just stay over at Monica and Rachel's for the night. Chandler sat on the end of the couch next to her and smiled sympathetically.

"I know you hate storms," he said. "Are you okay?" She smiled at his concern and shrugged. 

"I'd be better if it wasn't thundering and lightening," she remarked as she glanced out the window to the angry night sky. It looked like there was no chance of it clearing up anytime soon and so she resigned to her fate and leaned against Chandler enjoying his comfort. Joey and Phoebe were sitting on the floor with her guitar, and Ross was sitting in the chair and Rachel had taken a seat on the other end of the couch. Monica gave a small smile to her best friend when the next bolt of lightening flashed. It would be a long night, she could tell already.

Chandler held Monica protectively in his arms. She hated storms. He could feel how tense she got when thunder sounded outside. She was his best friend....but she was more than that. She was so much more than that. He would never admit to anyone, especially her, but he was in love with her. And although he loved holding her in his arms, he was afraid that he would fall apart if it went on for much longer. 

"I have to go to the bathroom," he announced grabbing a candle and slipping out from under her. He was afraid that she would figure it out. That she would see it on his face and know. They were always so good at knowing what the other was thinking that he was terrified that she could see it. She already had sensed him pulling away and the way that they used to sit against each other, or the way that they would hug had diminished. She knew that much, but she didn't know why. He splashed some water onto his face and pushed those thoughts out of his head. He walked back out and saw that Rachel had moved on near Monica and they were looking at old pictures. This was good, because this way he could take Rachel's seat and no one would question why he hadn't just sat down where he had been. 

"We should play truth or dare," Phoebe suggested. 

"Yeah!" Joey said sitting up and rubbing his hands together. Okay, Chandler thought. I'll dare, but I can't truth. I won't truth. 

I'm so scared that the way that I feel is written all over my face

When you walk into the room, I want to find a hiding place

We used to laugh, we used to hug

The way that old friends do

But now a smile or the touch of your hand

Just makes me come unglued

"Okay Joseph," Rachel said. "You must pick one girl to make out with you for a minute."

"Okay!" Joey said contemplating his choice.

"Wait!" She cried holding up her hand. "I wasn't finished yet. You must take her into the other room and try to get her to kiss you, if she does not comply you must run up and down the hall shouting that you aren't getting lucky tonight." Joey nodded and looked at the three women in front of him. 

"Hmm, which one is slotted for some Joey-lovin'?" Phoebe batted her eyelashes flirtatiously at him, Monica snorted and Rachel buried her head. 

"I chose Monica," he said pointing at her. 

"Joseph Francis!" Phoebe exclaimed. 

"Sorry, she's more of a challenge," he explained shrugging. 

"I don't know how to take that," Monica said as Joey helped her to her feet and led her into the other room. Chandler felt his heart constricting as he glanced anxiously at his watch. He wanted to be the one in the room with her. The one kissing her. Why hadn't he ever just told her? Oh, that's why, he remembered. Because she was his best friend. Because he didn't want to risk losing her. He would take her anyway that he could and if that was as simply her friend then that would be the way that it was. It was so complicated. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to shout from the rooftops that he was in love with her, but at the same time he was terrified to. The door swung open and Joey peeked his head out. 

"Does a quick kiss count?" He asked. 

"Why not?" Rachel said shrugging and Joey nodded and the door closed briefly before reopening and both came out. Monica was blushing profusely as they teased her. 

"Okay whose turn is it?" Phoebe asked. 

"Um, it's Chandler's," Joey remarked and grinned. "Chandler, truth or dare?"

"Dare." 

"I dare the same dare, pick one lady and take her into the bedroom and get her to kiss you or...or.....be prepared for one of your biggest secrets to be revealed." Chandler nodded. His secret? He only had one major one and he had tried real hard to keep it a secret. He looked over the three women, but knew from the start which one he was going to chose.

"Monica, might as well follow the trend," he said trying to play it off. Trying desperately not to sweat. 

"Might as well?" She repeated. "I would be prepared to have Joey spill the beans if you keep going that way. By the way, what am I? The party favor?" The rest laughed as Chandler hauled her to her feet and led her to the bedroom. The darkness was overwhelming as she carefully found the bed and sat on it. He let his eyes adjust. 

"So," she broke the silence. "Charm me. Seduce me. Show me your best stuff." He tried to laugh but he felt like he couldn't breath right any longer. 

"All right," he said sitting next to you." Um, so let's make out. I think it will be good for me and you and that way none of my secrets are told. " Great, he thought to himself. She'll never kiss you if you continue to act like a jerk. 

"Nice," she said and she pushed him off the bed and he landed with a thud. 

"We said kiss Chandler!" Rachel cried teasingly through the door. 

"That's all he better be doing," Ross called out. "I'll kill him." Chandler laughed a little at that and sat himself up.

"Would you like to try again?" She asked.

__

It's such a contradiction

Do I lie or tell the truth?

Is it fact or fiction?

The way I feel for you

It's so complicated

I'm so frustrated

"Okay," he took a deep breath. "I want you to kiss me because....because you are amazing. You are beautiful and funny and witty. Because you are my best friend and I want you to be happy. Because....." This was it. This was his big chance to tell her how he felt. Say the words, he commanded himself. Say Monica, I love you. 

"That was pretty good," she said softly taking his hand and pulling him to her in the dark. Their lips met and she put her hands in his hair. He rubbed his hands down her arms as he deepened the kiss. This is what heaven feels like, was his only coherent thought. Monica. He was kissing Monica. And it felt just like he always thought that it would. It felt right. Perfect. She felt, and tasted perfect. She pulled away. 

"I...I'm sorry...I..." she stumbled for the right words. What had he done to her? It must be the storm. It was doing crazy things to her brain. That kiss. That was some kiss. It had felt like the world had stopped and fireworks had exploded the second that their lips had touched. She had always had a crush on him, that was true. She had developed the crush the instant that they had met. But it had always seemed like he thought of her as a sister. That, however, was not a sister/brother kiss. She blushed and praised the darkness. He went to pull her back to him, but she had turned away from him. 

"Do you want me to tell them that I lost?" He asked. 

"No," she said softly. "That would make it seem like we did something wrong. And we didn't do anything wrong. " No, she thought to herself. It was right. It was so right. They gathered themselves and opened the door and stepped out into the living room.

"So?" Ross asked. "Does Joey spill the secret?'"

"Nope," Chandler forced a grin on his face. "Besides, he already did." Joey turned his head sheepishly as Monica took her seat next to Rachel to collect her thoughts. 

__

I want hold you close I want to push you away

I want to make you go

I want to make you stay

Should I say it?

Should I tell you how I feel?

Oh I want you to know,

But then again I don't

It's so complicated

"So what was it like?" Rachel whispered. 

"What? It was a quick kiss like with Joey."

"Liar." How could Rachel tell? Was it that obvious?

"No, I'm serious."

"Oh," Rachel said returning her attention to the game.

"Why would you say that?"

"Oh, no reason really, it's just that you and Chandler....." 

"Me and Chandler what?"

"You know...he has....he....you...."

"What?"

"It's just that....."

"Oh spit it out already Rachel," Monica commanded. 

"Well, he has that crush on you," Rachel said shrugging. 

"He has a crush on me?"

"You didn't know?"

"No!"

"How could you not have? Were you blind? It was pretty obvious."

"Not to me!"

"Sorry," Rachel said. "We thought that you knew. The way that he looks at you. The forever support system and never boyfriend." 

"Wow."

"I'm telling you something that you should know," Rachel said. "I hope that it doesn't change anything between you two. I mean, it shouldn't. He'll never act on it." Monica stared at her incredulously and then leaned back against the couch cushions and thought about it. 

__

Just when I think I'm under control

I think I finally got a grip

Another friend says my name is always on your lips

They say that I'm more than just a friend

They say I must be blind

I must admit I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye

What did this mean? She glanced over at him and saw him turn away. Why hadn't he ever told her? He should have just told her. But then again, she had never said anything to him. Oh, it was just too much. What happened now? Where did they go from here? That kiss. Oh God, that kiss. It was amazing. Incredible. Should she say something to him? What if he didn't agree? What if he didn't feel the same way? She would be mortified. Surely that kiss was some kind of indicator that he felt similar. Right. Right? She tried to listen to Phoebe's confession of her first time. Maybe she should just talk to him. What harm could it do? All kinds, she thought. It could do all kinds of harm. What if he didn't feel the same way? That thought was rolling around in her head. 

"Mon?" Ross looked over at his sister.

"Oh, what?" She jumped at the sound of his voice breaking her thoughts. 

"You're just staring into space," he said laughing. 

"Was I?" She shrugged and tried to return her attention to the conversation. The game had apparently been ditched for stories of their first times instead. She stretched out her legs and looked around the dark apartment. 

"I think that I should go find another flashlight or two. I'll check the guys' place," she told them standing and taking the flashlight. She needed to get out of that room.

"I'll come," Chandler said and Monica felt herself stiffen, but in the darkness, it went unnoticed by her friends. 

"Okay," she said and she waited for him to catch up before leaving the safety of her friends. Chandler opened the door for her and they walked into the pitch black apartment. Chandler took the flashlight and first found some candles to allow them at least a little light. Monica sat on the stool and watched him fiddle with the match trying to get it to light. 

"Looks like the match is winning," she told him teasingly.

"It does, doesn't it?" He asked and even in the dark she could see him grin. She took the match and lit it instantly. 

"It takes a woman's touch," she told him. She took a deep breath. It was now or never she figured. Now. Do it now, her brain instructed. 

"Chandler? Can we talk?" 

__

Oh it's so confusing

I wish you'd just confess

But think of what I'd be losing

If your answer wasn't yes

It's so complicated

I'm so frustrated

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?"

"Um...us actually. I wanted to talk about us." 

"Oh, okay," his heart began to beat a little faster. How did she know? Did she have some sort of sixth sense for men with pathetic crushes on her? Would she let him down gently. 

"I...You know you're my best friend....and I just.....Chandler what I am trying to say is.....well....I think that I'm in love with you." He was silent for a moment and she bit her lip and felt her stomach flip. The truth was that he needed to seriously register what she was saying. 

"You...you....you?" He couldn't seem to get the words to leave his mouth and make sense. How long had he waited for this moment? This very moment? 

"Oh please say something Chandler," she said softly begging him to let her know what he was thinking. 

"Monica, I..." the door swung open and both looked up guiltily at Joey who was standing there.

"What's taking so long?" He asked looking from Monica to Chandler.

"Oh, we were just talking," Monica told him. It wasn't a lie. It was the truth. They had been talking. But she hadn't found out how Chandler felt. Damn Joey. He had the world's worst timing. 

"Oh, well did you find any other flashlights?" Chandler held up the flashlight that somehow had managed not to slip out of his sweating hands. She loved him? She loved him! He wanted to suddenly hold her close and kiss away her doubts. But at the same time, he still had some of his. This was so complicated. Their relationship would not be normal, for it would no doubt be under constant scrutiny of their friends. Monica hugged her arms around her body and reluctantly followed Joey out. 

__

I want hold you close I want to push you away

I want to make you go

I want to make you stay

Should I say it?

Should I tell you how I feel?

Oh I want you to know,

But then again I don't

They joined their friends and could barely look at each other. The tension was so thick in the room that it could have been cut with a knife. 

"Maybe we should all try to get some sleep," Phoebe suggested. 

"Okay," they all agreed. They began to make arrangements for the sleeping conditions. 

"Well, Pheebs and I can share my bed," Rachel said. "Ross can have the couch, and Joey and Chandler can go back to their apartment."

"But I don't want to go back!" Joey said. "I'll sleep on the floor. Chandler can go back if he wants."

"No, Chandler can just stay in Monica's room," Ross said. He pulled on Chandler and whispered in his ear. "I trust you in her room, but not Joey. I love him like a brother, but I don't trust him with my sister at night." Monica was about to argue with this, when everyone began fleeing the room to set up their beds. Monica resigned to this and her and Chandler went into her bedroom. She knew that their conversation would be finished. She shut the door as Chandler lit a candle giving them at least a little light. 

"Monica," he whispered. She was climbing into bed ignoring him. She had known that this would be a bad idea, she had just known it. "Mon. Can we please talk?" She finally sighed and turned around and faced him. 

"What?" 

"I love you." It came out suddenly and he knew it was the truth. She studied his face and then began to cry. 

"Really?"

"Really. I think that I've always been in love with you and just...stupid...complications got in the way." He strode over to the other side of the room and took her into his arms and dipped her back and kissed her. 

__

It's so complicated

I hate it

Cause I've waited for so long for someone like you

Oh what do I do?

Should I say it?

Should I tell you how I feel?

They kissed for a very long minute before both came up breathless and dazed from the kiss. 

"That was....amazing," she whispered in the dark. 

"I know," he said. 

"Can we just...I don't know....lie in bed?" She asked. 

"And listen to the rain?" He added.

"And listen to the rain," she nodded. 

"Yes, we can do that, absolutely." They shared one more kiss before climbing into Monica's bed and he rolled over and pulled her close to him. It was amazing how well she fit into his grasp. Like she was meant to be there always. Like he had been missing something his entire life and he hadn't known it. 

"Chandler?" She whispered.

"Hmm?"

"What does this mean now?" He had no answer for her, but no answer was needed as the electricity came back on. Monica glanced out the window and saw that the storm was over. She turned back to Chandler and smiled at him.

"Never mind," she told him as she settled back into his arms. 

__

Oh I want you to know,

But then again I don't

It's so complicated

It's so complicated

It's so complicated

~ Please, please review. I might write another chapter or have this be a stand-alone fic. Review and tell me if you think that it should continue or not. Anyway, now I have to go back and write my essay for Political Science. REVIEW!!!~


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